Ginger Dream

Bummer. MAJOR bummer. I found out that if I want to audition for (and play) Ginger in the upcoming Broadway musical version of "Gilligan's Island", I would have to go to New York. Who knew Broadway was in New York? I sure didn't. You learn something new every day. No, I can't go to New York. You see, I went to NY on vacation several years ago and I still have an oustanding warrant against me there. Prostitution charge. But I was not and have never been a prostitute. I just told the guy that if he wanted to have sex with me, it would cost him $200. That's not prostitution. The guy said I wasn't worth twenty bucks. I know that, and you know that, but I wasn't going to admit it to him. So I think he just got pissed that I wouldn't lower my rates and that's why he reported me to a cop.

My uncle/father Butch Hatch says he could help me get the charges dismissed if we went up there. He says all we'd have to do is walk in the courtroom and ask the judge if I really looked pretty enough to get work as a hooker and it would get thrown out of court faster than my drivers get thrown out of Veterans Cab. (Which is pretty damn fast, let me tell you!)

But there's another problem with me playing Ginger. It turns out I would have to wear a short, tight dress for the role, and I just can't do that. I've never told anyone this before, but when I was a teenager I wasn't as thin as I am now. Hard to believe, I know, but true. I was a bit too much in love with food when I was fifteen. Smoking helped me lose a lot of the weight, and surgery took care of the rest, but I've still got these nasty stretch marks on my thighs. Can you see me up on stage in front of thousands of people with my stretch marks visible under the stage lights? No way. No can do. Plus, like I've mentioned before, learning all of theose lines might be a problem. I can't remember things very well.

So, my dream of playing Ginger will just have to remain that--a dream. I hear the Hispanic Liberation Theater on Jefferson Davis Highway is looking to put on a few major productions soon. Maybe I'll see what's up with that.